S03E10 - Of Dice, Daring, and Desperation: The Art of D&D
In this engaging episode of Chat One and Done, we delve into the chaotic and often humorous realm of tabletop role-playing games, highlighting the unpredictable nature of character interactions and decisions. The central theme revolves around the consequences of reckless actions within the game, particularly as our guests recount tales of a Paladin's ill-fated decision to attack a powerful mage and the ensuing chaos that unfolded. We explore the dynamics of teamwork and the importance of strategy, as the group navigates challenges that test their resolve and ingenuity. Furthermore, our guest Kayleigh, known as Reps and Respawns, shares her journey in the world of TTRPGs, alongside her exciting ventures in powerlifting and crafting unique gaming accessories. As we traverse the intricacies of gameplay and personal experiences, the episode encapsulates the essence of camaraderie, creativity, and the inherent unpredictability that defines our beloved hobby. In this episode, the podcast engages its audience with a lively discussion centered around the unmitigated chaos that often arises in tabletop role-playing games. The speakers, including Kayleigh, share their experiences from recent campaigns, highlighting the unpredictable nature of gameplay and the humorous consequences that ensue from character decisions. Notably, Kayleigh recounts a particularly amusing incident involving her character's misguided attempts to handle fire, illustrating the blend of strategy and folly that characterizes their gaming sessions. The conversation delves into the complexities of their campaigns, with the speakers recalling moments of tension and hilarity. A rogue's ill-fated grappling attempt against a powerful mage serves as a focal point, showcasing the precarious balance between risk and reward inherent in their gameplay. This narrative thread weaves throughout the episode, reinforcing the idea that tabletop gaming is as much about the shared experience and camaraderie as it is about the rules and mechanics. As the episode progresses, the speakers transition into personal anecdotes, revealing how their gaming experiences inform their lives outside the tabletop. Kayleigh discusses her ventures in powerlifting and her burgeoning business selling custom D&D dice, offering a glimpse into how the skills and lessons learned in gaming translate to real-world achievements. This multifaceted exploration of both gaming and personal growth culminates in a celebration of the bonds formed through shared experiences, leaving listeners with a sense of nostalgia and inspiration to embrace both their gaming journeys and real-life endeavors.
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Transcript
One shot, one fight no heart, no lie, no guns, no fight.
Speaker A:Just chaos and hate.
Speaker A:Roll for inside one we get a one.
Speaker A:Laughs are high, the stakes are dumb we'll come to chaos, we just beg.
Speaker A:This is Chad.
Speaker A:One and done.
Speaker A:Chat one and done.
Speaker A:Legends fall and rise for fun One bad ro.
Speaker A:But we don't run we fight through fire and the setting sun.
Speaker A:Chat one and done.
Speaker B:Welcome to Chat One and Done.
Speaker B:Where the rules are optional, the consequences are mandatory.
Speaker B:I'm your host, Rudy.
Speaker B:And joining us today we have Kayleaf, AKA Reps and Respawn.
Speaker B:And please introduce yourself and explain why your character absolutely shouldn't be allowed near fire.
Speaker C:Hi, I'm Kayleigh.
Speaker C:I'm also known as Reps and Respawns.
Speaker C:My character shouldn't be allowed around Fire because I'm controlling her and I have.
Speaker C:I've caught a pot of boiling water on fire.
Speaker C:If that's not enough of an explanation for you, what fucking witchcraft is that?
Speaker C:Exactly.
Speaker B:That is terrifying.
Speaker B:How you been since last time you were.
Speaker B:You were on?
Speaker C:Uh, pretty good.
Speaker C:I've had a lot of big life updates.
Speaker C:I've opened a store where I sell a bunch of my dice.
Speaker C:I don't have a bunch of bubbles in my dice anymore either.
Speaker C:And I'm competing in a national powerlifting competition in about two weeks.
Speaker D:Oh shit.
Speaker E:When is the cooking competition?
Speaker C:For those of you who can't see, I'm breaking the fourth wall in disdain.
Speaker D:Yeah, I didn't do it.
Speaker D:That was all Rudy's fault.
Speaker B:Yeah, Rudy, man, fuck you guys.
Speaker B:I didn't do nothing.
Speaker B:What.
Speaker E:What D and D related stuff have you got going on lately?
Speaker C:And I think late October or early November, I joined a Storm King's Storm King's thunder campaign as an evoker wizard.
Speaker C:And that's been pretty fun.
Speaker C:It very quickly became chaotic, as all D and D related things typically do.
Speaker E:I've never heard of that.
Speaker E:What's the.
Speaker E:What's the plot like?
Speaker C:Basically the Storm King has the Ordning of the giants, which is like basically their.
Speaker C:What's the word I'm looking for?
Speaker C:Just the order.
Speaker C:It's just their societal order, their social structure.
Speaker C:And when the Storm King disappeared, that social structure kind of collapsed and then all the different types of giants just started kind of going haywire and attacking different species.
Speaker C:We're trying to figure out why the Storm King disappeared so.
Speaker C:So we can kind of get the Ordning back together so the entire planet doesn't go.
Speaker E:It's a big guy genocides.
Speaker E:I dig it.
Speaker C:Yeah.
Speaker C:It's based on the.
Speaker C:It's like the Baldur's Gate world.
Speaker C:Sword coast.
Speaker C:Nice.
Speaker E:What's your character like for that campaign?
Speaker C:Her name is Velaryon Valethar.
Speaker C:She's an evoker wizard, and she has an affinity to Frost because of her staff of Frost that she got from her mentors.
Speaker C:AT was killed in a giant attack.
Speaker C:So it's very much, in this instance, a self insert character.
Speaker C:So a lot of my own quirks, like perfectionism and just lawful good for the most part, even though my fellow campaign members tried to gaslight me into saying I murdered a paint shop owner, even though I didn't.
Speaker E:But why would you kill the paint shop owner?
Speaker C:Listen.
Speaker D:Why not?
Speaker C:Listen here.
Speaker C:We wanted a can of yellow paint so we could pour it behind us while we ran away singing Follow the Yellow brick Road.
Speaker C:Is that too much to ask?
Speaker E:Sounds real awful good to me.
Speaker C:Exactly.
Speaker C:And I didn't do it.
Speaker C:It was the fucking oathbreaker.
Speaker C:Paladin.
Speaker C:Okay, I don't know.
Speaker C:Do not encourage him.
Speaker C:He's got, like, a whole court case stacked up against me.
Speaker C:He's put actual effort into this, and it's become campaign lore.
Speaker C:Do not encourage him.
Speaker C:I'm fighting for my life already.
Speaker E:I don't know.
Speaker E:I feel like the Paladin of all people might be more righteous, so I'm more inclined to take their word for it.
Speaker C:Paladin of death and rot.
Speaker C:He follows Moander.
Speaker B:Damn, she got you there.
Speaker B:She lawyered you.
Speaker E:You know what?
Speaker E:I'm gonna hire the Paladin to be my lawyer.
Speaker C:So you know what?
Speaker C:You.
Speaker D:Damn.
Speaker B:So this dinner's over.
Speaker B:Oh, man, that sounds pretty fun, though.
Speaker B:Do you think at some point we're gonna see, like, an episode and we're gonna piece like, an actual, like, was kind of like, oh, you did this and this and this.
Speaker B:You're going to court.
Speaker C:That's been the entire discord or discussion today is him creating a piece by piece court case against me, trying to frame me, and I don't know how to stop him.
Speaker B:If the gauntlet does not fit, you must acquit.
Speaker B:Oh, no.
Speaker B:Sorry, guys.
Speaker B:That was bad.
Speaker E:Too legit to acquit.
Speaker B:That was even worse.
Speaker D:Yeah.
Speaker D:You earn timeout now.
Speaker B:Sorry.
Speaker D:Your thorn.
Speaker B:I would think that'd be interesting to see it, like, as, like, as an actual, like, episode.
Speaker B:Just a druid holding kangaroo court.
Speaker E:It's just a bunch of roll for persuasion.
Speaker C:His entire thing is that anytime we defeat anything, he has to.
Speaker C:To cut its head off.
Speaker C:Like, cut the head off of the corpse.
Speaker C:And then put it in our bag of holding.
Speaker E:That's true.
Speaker C:Our entire party bag of holding is full of corpse heads.
Speaker C:So what he'll do is he'll sit down and he'll shove one of the heads onto his hand like a fucking marionette and talk through it.
Speaker C:So today in the Discord chat, he's told us that this puppet head has been basically convicting me.
Speaker C:I don't even know how to explain what's going on.
Speaker E:It sounds like an upstairs standing gent.
Speaker D:Ah.
Speaker C:I don't know how to explain what's happening because it's so out of pocket.
Speaker E:Prison pocket.
Speaker C:Oh, God.
Speaker D:Right up.
Speaker D:It wasn't Chef Boyardee, was it?
Speaker C:It was great value, actually.
Speaker B:Oh, no.
Speaker C:I'm too.
Speaker B:What's the Costco brand?
Speaker B:Kirkland.
Speaker B:He only buys it in bulk.
Speaker D:It's trusted, man.
Speaker D:It's trusted.
Speaker D:All right.
Speaker C:Tried and true.
Speaker D:Everybody trusts Kirkland.
Speaker B:I don't know, man.
Speaker B:I've had some sketchy Kirkland brand stuff.
Speaker D:Have you?
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:Bought a pair of Kirkland sweatpants, did a high kick, and just bam.
Speaker B:Now.
Speaker B:And I got a lawsuit for indecent exposure.
Speaker C:Oh.
Speaker D:Oh, no.
Speaker C:Is that why you need the lawyer
Speaker B:who let the dogs out?
Speaker B:Maybe.
Speaker B:Can you slide me the Paladin's number?
Speaker C:Oh, gosh, Cav, if you're listening to us, don't get involved.
Speaker B:Do it.
Speaker B:Don't.
Speaker C:Don't listen to any of this.
Speaker D:Listen to everything I said.
Speaker B:We bring him on for an episode just as a fucking judge or fucking a lawyer at some point, please.
Speaker D:No, we need a judge Judy and executioner.
Speaker E:Bring in the dancing lobsters.
Speaker B:You said judge, jury or Judge Judy?
Speaker D:Judge Judy.
Speaker D:I was going to ask Judy an executioner.
Speaker C:All right.
Speaker C:I love Judge Judy.
Speaker C:What would judge Judy's class be?
Speaker B:Paladin.
Speaker C:Paladin, Paladin.
Speaker C:Divine smite.
Speaker D:Oh, man, her divine smites never miss.
Speaker B:And then we.
Speaker B:They were like, to st her and give her, like, some kind of eye item.
Speaker B:It'd have to be like, the dwarven thrower little hammer that when you toss.
Speaker B:She is Thor.
Speaker B:She's legal.
Speaker B:Thor.
Speaker E:Legal Thor.
Speaker D:Oh, man, I love it.
Speaker B:I love it.
Speaker B:I gotta create, like, a sketchy lawyer character now so we can fucking have your friend come and play him on the show.
Speaker B:We need some kind of hell yeah.
Speaker B:Every once in a while, it's gonna
Speaker D:be a yeah, with Dante's ass.
Speaker B:Yeah, exactly.
Speaker B:Gonna be his defender.
Speaker B:Hey, forget about it.
Speaker B:Halfway through the episode, you guys are
Speaker C:gonna do nothing but encourage my DM to make the entire next Session, which is tomorrow.
Speaker C:A court case.
Speaker C:And I'm gonna lose.
Speaker C:I'll update you.
Speaker C:If I'm gonna lose, I'm gonna end up in the bag of holding.
Speaker C:Oh, I'm gonna be one of the many.
Speaker B:You are.
Speaker D:Just your head.
Speaker C:Just my head?
Speaker D:Oh, no.
Speaker C:He'll throw the rest of me off of the flying castle bastion like he did with the paint shop owner.
Speaker E:You'll be stuck in the bag with your victim.
Speaker E:Yeah.
Speaker C:Wait.
Speaker B:He got you.
Speaker B:He got you.
Speaker D:Boom.
Speaker E:That's why Dante always self represents in court.
Speaker B:You don't you go to prison at the beginning of the season.
Speaker E:That's not the point.
Speaker E:I got out, didn't I?
Speaker B:You escaped.
Speaker B:I'm pretty sure you're wanted.
Speaker B:Boom.
Speaker E:Lloyd, baby.
Speaker B:Lloyd.
Speaker D:God damn it.
Speaker D:That's not how it works.
Speaker B:I rest my motherfucking case, motherfucker.
Speaker B:Yeah, we're gonna send.
Speaker B:We're gonna send Dante to legally represent you in the next episode.
Speaker C:Oh, God.
Speaker C:Well, I'm fucked.
Speaker D:Unfortunately, not till after you go to prison.
Speaker B:Yeah, you might want to save up bail money.
Speaker C:I mean, I have the coin purse.
Speaker E:Oh, no.
Speaker C:I can save bail money.
Speaker D:You can also beat him with it.
Speaker E:But what would you gain?
Speaker B:Everything.
Speaker B:Just a great time, I guess.
Speaker B:Dante's D and D pinata.
Speaker B:Joy, can we find you?
Speaker D:Say he's D and D empanada.
Speaker B:No, he's D and D pinata empanada.
Speaker D:Because I haven't had one of those in a long while.
Speaker B:Bravio ever had one.
Speaker C:Oh, God, my throat's making the weird noises again.
Speaker B:Help.
Speaker C:I hope no one can hear that.
Speaker C:I hope my mic blocks that out.
Speaker C:Or do you just get a full blast?
Speaker C:Damn it.
Speaker E:He's making it louder in the editing.
Speaker E:So heads up.
Speaker C:Put like a reverb on it too.
Speaker D:Enhance.
Speaker C:Oh, God.
Speaker B:Oh, geez.
Speaker D:Hey, Scrap.
Speaker B:All right, so besides having to legally represent yourself pretty soon, what else have you been up to?
Speaker B:You like the transition smooth?
Speaker C:Are you talking about DND town or real life?
Speaker B:Either.
Speaker B:Or is there one over on Instagram?
Speaker C:I'm about to start releasing a bunch of new stuff in my shop.
Speaker C:Right now I just have earrings and dice, and I'm going to start making.
Speaker C:I figured out how to make resin coasters with entire sets of D and D dice inside of them and then keychains and necklaces.
Speaker C:So I'm going to start pushing all those out soon.
Speaker C:I can't talk too much about it because of contract, but I am the lead in a short fantasy film that we've been filming for the past 5, 6 ish.
Speaker C:6, ish months.
Speaker C:I can't talk.
Speaker C:And we're going to finish filming that probably by the end of March.
Speaker B:Oh, hell yeah.
Speaker B:So, yeah, you got a lot going on since last time we spoke.
Speaker C:Yeah, it's been fun.
Speaker B:Life's been funny.
Speaker E:He's been in a couple movies, too.
Speaker B:Oh, yeah.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:We can't talk about those.
Speaker B:Oh, I also have an NBA.
Speaker C:I was genuinely happy for you.
Speaker C:And then it hit me.
Speaker B:He can catch my episode of Cops.
Speaker C:You know what?
Speaker C:No, I'm still genuinely happy for you.
Speaker C:If it makes the dough, who am I to judge?
Speaker B:They say they were going to pay.
Speaker B:Expected in the mail, but I never got anything.
Speaker C:What?
Speaker B:Like, as long as it makes the dough.
Speaker B:I was like, they said they were going to pay me and they're going to send it through the mail, but I never got it anything.
Speaker B:Oh, it's been like a year and a half.
Speaker C:It's okay.
Speaker B:For the love of the game.
Speaker E:No money shot.
Speaker B:Oh, no, that's worse, bro.
Speaker B:What?
Speaker B:Have you been playing any new games on over on your Instagram?
Speaker B:Because I know that was like, a big thing you were doing.
Speaker C:Right now I'm just kind of focusing on my Balers Gate 3 campaign.
Speaker C:I have two of those going on right now.
Speaker C:I have one solo play and I'm doing one with my friend Tanya.
Speaker C:She's the owner of Geekhaven store, which is just like a bunch of D and D themed clothing, accessories and stuff like that.
Speaker C:So we've been kind of doing that and that's been fun.
Speaker C:It's been also chaos.
Speaker C:I'm sensing a pattern that everything having to do with me turns into absolute chaos.
Speaker C:But I'm going to deflect that and say, it's definitely not me.
Speaker E:That's the best way to be Denial.
Speaker B:This river in Egypt.
Speaker C:I knew it.
Speaker C:I knew someone was about to make that quote.
Speaker B:You always in the back pocket.
Speaker B:The prison pocket, you son of a bitch.
Speaker B:I knew as soon as I said you were going to turn it into that.
Speaker C:You son of a uwu.
Speaker B:Oh, this is terrible.
Speaker B:I don't like this.
Speaker E:Do you have.
Speaker B:Do you have another game planned out for after you're done with these ones?
Speaker C:I want to play another Larian game, which is really similar to Balers Gate 3.
Speaker C:I want to go through and play the Divinity Original Sin one or two?
Speaker C:I think probably two.
Speaker E:Never heard.
Speaker C:Because they're working on the next Divinity Original Sin game right now, and I think that's coming out in what, 20, 28?
Speaker C:Seven or eight.
Speaker B:Damn.
Speaker B:I was gonna recommend.
Speaker B:Just play like skate three on stream and then have people.
Speaker C:There's a dude that Skate three, he
Speaker B:cracks me up because he's on like, he's on TikTok.
Speaker B:I don't know what his name is, but he plays like Skate 3 and like he attempts the same little jump every time.
Speaker B:And he's like, he's playing.
Speaker B:Well, he plays Skate three and he's playing like indie music in the background.
Speaker B:He's like, send me your songs.
Speaker B:And then somebody sends the songs like, no, this song sucks.
Speaker B:Like, pick something better.
Speaker B:The song sucks.
Speaker B:I was like, just do that.
Speaker C:God.
Speaker B:Just play fucking boulders gay and have like, oh, send me your fantasy songs.
Speaker B:And then when like it starts playing like, no, that one sucks.
Speaker B:That's overplayed.
Speaker B:Too much flute.
Speaker C:I just bully my viewers.
Speaker C:That's the only thing I do is just bully people.
Speaker B:Beat it, nerds.
Speaker C:I bully them into following me.
Speaker B:You beat them into submission if you don't follow me.
Speaker C:You smell bad.
Speaker B:Oh my God.
Speaker B:I don't think Dante's following you.
Speaker C:Wow.
Speaker C:How dare you.
Speaker C:You smell bad.
Speaker C:Zman Zaddy.
Speaker E:I can't afford Internet.
Speaker C:Ok, wait, maybe.
Speaker C:Maybe we should explain.
Speaker C:Zaddy, hold on.
Speaker B:Because no one can see.
Speaker C:Listen.
Speaker B:Yeah, that just comes out real wild if there's no context to that.
Speaker C:Okay, I promise I did not just pull that out of my ass.
Speaker C:I'm not that crazy.
Speaker E:Yeah, that's where the rarely goes.
Speaker C:His title says Zeven Zaddy.
Speaker C:It wasn't me.
Speaker C:I didn't do this.
Speaker B:I don't know.
Speaker B:Like I said, I jumped in late to the.
Speaker B:To this session before the recording.
Speaker B:Like 90% of what happened, I have no context for whatsoever.
Speaker B:I'm as lost as everybody else.
Speaker C:Listen, I'm already being framed for enough.
Speaker E:What happens in the podcast stays in the podcast.
Speaker C:I don't believe that for that's true.
Speaker B:I was like, this is all being recorded.
Speaker B:This all goes out.
Speaker B:This is like the least safe space you could have.
Speaker C:And we're all safely goes into the public.
Speaker E:You're sunk, brother.
Speaker E:So in the world of weightlifting, what are your current goals there?
Speaker C:I want to try to break a state record on bench for my body weight and I think that's around 155.
Speaker C:My current PR is 140, but I've been doing really well the past couple weeks in my current block, so I think I might be able to get that deadlift.
Speaker C:I want to do the same.
Speaker C:I almost got the state record, but I got red lighted on it last time because my form broke.
Speaker C:I ended up hitching, which is.
Speaker C:Is kind of like shrugging your shoulders at the top a little bit, which that's 305 pounds.
Speaker E:Jesus.
Speaker C:So I want to try to get to 315 if I can, and then squat.
Speaker C:I'm just gonna do on.
Speaker C:I just accepted that.
Speaker C:I just want to do better than I did last time on squat, But I won't be breaking any records because that is my lowest to lift.
Speaker C:I'm doing much better on it, but it's not phenomenal.
Speaker E:Hell, yeah.
Speaker C:So I'm excited to do that.
Speaker C:I was gonna compete in nationals last year at this exact same time, and then I ended up having a bunch of medical issues, had to have surgery, and that kind of threw it off.
Speaker C:So this is kind of my redemption arc.
Speaker B:My redemption arc.
Speaker C:My redemption arc, you know, and when
Speaker E:you're in jail for the murder, you can just train all day long.
Speaker C:Yeah.
Speaker C:Oh, damn.
Speaker E:She comes out jacked.
Speaker C:You know what?
Speaker C:It's starting to not sound like such a bad deal.
Speaker C:You know what, Cab?
Speaker C:I did kill the paint shop owner.
Speaker B:We got her moving.
Speaker B:We got her.
Speaker E:We got her.
Speaker B:Start jumping through.
Speaker C:I knew my coat tasted funny.
Speaker C:Coca Cola.
Speaker C:Coca Cola.
Speaker E:Redacted soda.
Speaker C:Spicy water.
Speaker B:The jump back on that, that was pretty.
Speaker E:Pretty.
Speaker B:There's no visual to that, but, like, you turn to put your drink down, and then you snapped your head back like Coca Cola.
Speaker B:Coca Cola.
Speaker C:I saw my light flash before my eyes.
Speaker C:I'm traumatized.
Speaker B:Okay, this reps in Escobar over here.
Speaker B:Can we put that on a T shirt?
Speaker C:Oh, God.
Speaker B:Oh, man, that's terrible.
Speaker B:We're definitely gonna get demonetized on this one.
Speaker C:We love it.
Speaker C:I love it.
Speaker C:I love it.
Speaker C:I don't care.
Speaker B:Oh, man.
Speaker B:That song's a fucking nightmare.
Speaker B:I hate that goddamn song.
Speaker C:It was so overplayed.
Speaker E:You can make the puppet head sing it.
Speaker C:Oh, God.
Speaker B:The hark head sing it.
Speaker C:And the frost giant.
Speaker C:And the cloud giant.
Speaker C:And the orcs.
Speaker C:And the goblins.
Speaker C:And the human.
Speaker B:And the human.
Speaker C:The human.
Speaker C:The paint shop.
Speaker C:We killed his entire family, too.
Speaker C:But that's besides the point.
Speaker B:Doing a terrible job at hiding.
Speaker C:To be fair, his family came and attacked us for vengeance.
Speaker C:Because apparently, it doesn't go unnoticed when you murder someone, so.
Speaker E:You know, I also like how you use the word we, implying that you were indeed involved.
Speaker C:I'm technically an accomplice because I didn't necessarily turn him in.
Speaker B:It's like, I'm not a gang member.
Speaker B:I'm gang affiliated.
Speaker B:It's different.
Speaker C:So here's what happened he went into the paint shop because we wanted to do the whole yellow brick road thing and asked, since we had just saved Tribore from a fire giant attack, if we could have a discount on a can of yellow paint.
Speaker C:Well, asshole says no, so he gets guillotined.
Speaker C:Right.
Speaker C:And then he burned the building down after he killed him.
Speaker C:But me, being the hero I am, used Raya Frost to put the fire out and make us look like heroes.
Speaker C:So I don't know what the problem is.
Speaker C:I saved the day.
Speaker E:Did you guys get a reward for saving the day after we got the
Speaker C:can of yellow paint?
Speaker C:Yes.
Speaker E:Oh, yeah.
Speaker B:I mean, you forcibly took that.
Speaker B:I don't think it was given to you.
Speaker C:Oh, also, he put the corpse in his bag of holding the oathbreaker, Paladin.
Speaker B:So, I mean, what else are you gonna do with the corpse?
Speaker B:Just leave it around?
Speaker B:That's fine?
Speaker C:Well, yeah, we didn't want evidence left behind, so.
Speaker C:Yeah, but here's the problem.
Speaker C:When we got to our giant floating castle bastion, he just dumped it off the edge once we got, like, 500ft in the air.
Speaker C:Not the head, just the body.
Speaker E:How did the family find out that it was you guys?
Speaker C:I don't know that.
Speaker C:I don't know the answer to that.
Speaker C:They were all mages, so maybe it had something to do with, like, there was cctv.
Speaker B:I catch magical murder, I guess.
Speaker B:Okay, but thinking, like, in the Paladin's brain, logically, if you take the body and then dump it in water, they don't know it's not accidental drowning.
Speaker E:Yeah, it's just a fucking headless corpse.
Speaker E:There's no.
Speaker C:I was about to say there's no head, though.
Speaker C:I thought fingerprints at first, but then I remembered he wears gloves or gauntlets, so there aren't fingerprints.
Speaker E:Doesn't fit.
Speaker E:You have to acquit.
Speaker B:Exactly.
Speaker C:You're full of shit.
Speaker B:Yeah, Dante, you're full of shit, dude.
Speaker B:And coins and ravioli and bad decisions.
Speaker B:It's just bad.
Speaker C:That's just too far.
Speaker B:I'm pretty sure he makes bad decisions.
Speaker B:Everybody knows it.
Speaker B:This is a very well documented.
Speaker B:We have three seasons of just him making terrible decisions.
Speaker E:Bad is subjective, brother.
Speaker E:That's how you live it this.
Speaker B:Okay, listeners, go back and listen to the very first episode of season three.
Speaker B:This is gonna prove my point, like, conclusive.
Speaker B:I should be a lawyer, God damn it.
Speaker E:And every choice that I made leading up to this point has brought me here.
Speaker C:I have a bunch of lawyers that are gonna help me.
Speaker B:I think they're framing you.
Speaker B:If I'M being honest.
Speaker B:I think you're the fucking.
Speaker B:You're the fall guy on this one.
Speaker C:I don't know.
Speaker C:I don't know why I'm the person they're blaming too.
Speaker C:I don't know why he's blaming me.
Speaker C:He just one day looked at me and said, oh, it's her fault.
Speaker C:She did it.
Speaker E:Yeah.
Speaker B:Are you, like, the friendliest character in the party?
Speaker C:Am I the what?
Speaker B:Are you the friendliest character in the party?
Speaker C:Yes.
Speaker C:I'm a fucking pushover.
Speaker B:Yep, yep.
Speaker B:You're going to jail.
Speaker C:Okay.
Speaker E:Pushovers historically do well in jail too.
Speaker C:Oh, no.
Speaker C:Oh, in what way?
Speaker B:We're gonna have Dante just train you on how to survive in prison.
Speaker C:I don't want him to train me.
Speaker B:You're a prison survival.
Speaker B:Survival package.
Speaker E:You should be so lucky.
Speaker E:I did phenomenal in there.
Speaker C:It's funny that you say, because I'm sure that's how you survived.
Speaker B:You're goddamn right.
Speaker B:You gots to do what you got to do.
Speaker B:Oh, Christ, that's terrible.
Speaker B:So how did you come up with the idea for your character that you're playing now?
Speaker B:Currently, I.
Speaker C:What I do, I come up with the character backstory and the appearance of a character that I think is interesting first, and then I kind of choose class and features and stuff and just based off of what I think suits my character's backstory.
Speaker C:I know it's kind of backwards.
Speaker C:I also kind of choose the race of the character when I'm selecting, like, the appearance and kind of brainstorming all of that.
Speaker C:So it was just kind of.
Speaker C:Just kind of happened that I thought it was interesting.
Speaker C:A bunch of pieces that went together that I found, like, a cool story.
Speaker B:Yeah, Yeah.
Speaker B:I kind of do the same thing.
Speaker B:Like, I start drawing out the idea of, like, a character that I want to play, and I was like, oh, shit, let me start thinking of, like, the backstory or something.
Speaker B:And then I start coming up with, like, the race and the class and then the name.
Speaker B:And sometimes, like, it gets tweaked around.
Speaker B:Because originally, when for net 1, the actual play podcast that we were playing on for a while, my character was Stoney.
Speaker B:It's basically Post Malone as a gunslinging druid.
Speaker B:And originally he had started as.
Speaker B:Was it, I think, a full blood Yuan Ti, which is just like a snake person.
Speaker B:So it's like a snake with, like, a little thin mustache and long hair.
Speaker B:And then.
Speaker B:And then I was like, what can he be?
Speaker B:I was like, I got to evolve that because I don't know how well, that's going to play.
Speaker B:And so then I was like, fuck it, I'm going to make him an elf.
Speaker B:And then I was like, I don't know.
Speaker B:I don't want to be an elf now.
Speaker B:I was like, I'm going to make him a variant human.
Speaker B:And then everybody else unveiled their characters.
Speaker B:I was like, God damn, I'm the one fucking human in this.
Speaker B:And it was a big plot point.
Speaker B:It was a big plot point that humans do not get treated very well in one of the continents.
Speaker B:And I was just.
Speaker B:I was terrible.
Speaker B:I did not have a great time.
Speaker E:Everyone was racist to the human.
Speaker B:Yeah, exactly.
Speaker B:What?
Speaker C:And did he roll shit, too?
Speaker C:Did you.
Speaker C:Did you roll shit on charisma, too?
Speaker B:No, no, I rolled really high on charisma.
Speaker B:They just do not like, oh, there's
Speaker C:just no saving you.
Speaker B:Exactly.
Speaker C:I was like, just a nat.
Speaker C:20 is the best case scenario.
Speaker C:And even that's terrible.
Speaker B:I still got the shit kicked out of me a couple times.
Speaker B:But, yeah, that's exactly what I was like.
Speaker B:They.
Speaker B:I think, like, at one point we got, like, taken into, like, a dungeon.
Speaker B:And then I was the only one that got tortured.
Speaker B:They, like, broke my arm and.
Speaker B:And oh, my God.
Speaker B:Everybody else is like, oh, they took your weapons.
Speaker B:I was like, you didn't.
Speaker E:They cut something up.
Speaker B:I had a. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker B:Then.
Speaker B:So a part of it was.
Speaker B:They had us like, oh, like, there's like a Chronomancer wizard.
Speaker B:He's like, yeah, I see the future.
Speaker B:Like, yeah, yeah, you guys can fight us now, but you kill all of us.
Speaker B:But we're gonna kill one of you.
Speaker B:And I was like, it's gonna be me.
Speaker B:They're like, yeah, it's the human.
Speaker B:Like, we have specific orders.
Speaker B:Oh, my God.
Speaker B:Or we guys let you pass and then we tell them we put up a fight and then you just gotta cut your hand off.
Speaker B:I was like, I'm a gunslinger.
Speaker B:Like, I need my hand.
Speaker B:So they're like, it's your choice.
Speaker B:So I ended up having to cut my hand off and just to, like, get past.
Speaker C:Of course.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:But I mean, it was cool.
Speaker D:I got.
Speaker B:It got restored by, like a nature God.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:I turned into a bird and then my hand came back.
Speaker B:I don't know how that works, but shapeshifting.
Speaker C:Wait a minute.
Speaker C:Wait a bird and.
Speaker E:Okay, that's a good question, though.
Speaker E:Like, if you were to wild shape without your hand into, like a bird, would the tip of your wing be missing?
Speaker B:I would think, like, a good, like, fourth of your wing would be Missing.
Speaker C:That's what I would think.
Speaker E:It's just flapping in circles like.
Speaker B:I don't know, man.
Speaker B:I turned to a fucking majestic bald eagle just fucking flying through a sewer.
Speaker B:It was terrible.
Speaker E:Yeah.
Speaker E:Doing circles like nascar.
Speaker B:He just rammed through the wall, Slamming into the wall.
Speaker B:Where's the druid?
Speaker B:He slammed into the wall, gave himself a concussion, and he drowned in the sewer.
Speaker E:I was like, where's the druid?
Speaker C:There he is.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:That'd be the worst way to have to re roll a character.
Speaker C:Oh, God.
Speaker C:Yeah.
Speaker C:In wild shape.
Speaker C:I exploded against a wall, but it's fine.
Speaker B:Oh, man.
Speaker B:It's like the equivalent of just like when you're driving and a bird decides to fly in front of your car.
Speaker B:Just feathers everywhere.
Speaker E:Actually never done that.
Speaker C:I haven't either.
Speaker C:I.
Speaker C:Don't jinx me with that.
Speaker C:Please.
Speaker E:No, she just hates trees.
Speaker C:Listen, I did my best, okay?
Speaker C:I still have that Prius.
Speaker C:It survived and I still have my license, so.
Speaker E:Toyotas are bulletproof.
Speaker C:Yeah.
Speaker B:Everybody knows this.
Speaker C:My radiator is too tree proof.
Speaker E:Throw that.
Speaker E:Throw that little Prius into 4x4.
Speaker C:It's not even a full size Prius.
Speaker C:It's a Prius C. So it's like the fourth of the size.
Speaker C:It's like a golf cart with a Toyota label.
Speaker E:I love it.
Speaker B:Dude.
Speaker B:I had a. I was driving to work and I was just driving.
Speaker B:Mind my business.
Speaker B:Listen.
Speaker B:My little jams and whatnot.
Speaker B:And a bird flies straight out.
Speaker B:If I was like, like right in front of my car, it hits my windshield and it just like rolls upwards with the horse.
Speaker B:I was like, oh, my God.
Speaker B:Oh, my God.
Speaker B:Oh, my God.
Speaker B:And I get to work and I haven't washed my car.
Speaker B:So there's like, where the bird hits my windshield.
Speaker B:You can see like.
Speaker B:I don't want to say like, little poop, but I think that's what it was.
Speaker C:Oh, my God.
Speaker B:A plain drag mark on the top of my car.
Speaker B:Dude.
Speaker B:Exactly.
Speaker C:I would spend the rest of the week crying and selfish.
Speaker B:I was really bummed out and I was like, what if this bird just like, cape fearing me?
Speaker B:It's like on the bottom of my car waiting for me to get out.
Speaker C:Oh, God.
Speaker E:It's actually.
Speaker E:It was a druid
Speaker B:revenge.
Speaker B:Oh, no.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:But that's.
Speaker B:That happened.
Speaker B:And I was traumatized.
Speaker B:I was like, I don't want to drive through there no more.
Speaker C:I would never drive again.
Speaker C:I rip up my own driver's license and just say, nope, that's.
Speaker C:We're done.
Speaker C:That was my sign.
Speaker E:Oh, yeah.
Speaker B:For sure.
Speaker E:I was like, I. I can't.
Speaker B:Like, I'm gonna go the long way around.
Speaker B:It's gonna add more time to my commute.
Speaker B:But there's no bushes where birds can hide randomly.
Speaker C:Here in Oklahoma, it's deer just running out in front of you.
Speaker E:Oh, my God.
Speaker B:That is worse.
Speaker E:The deer just skids on the windshield, too.
Speaker C:I haven't hit one, but they will jump out in front of you, and then they'll just stop, like, and face the car head on and just wait.
Speaker C:I'm like, you know what?
Speaker E:As long as they don't stand up on, like, their hind legs and just kind of stare that way, I think you're good.
Speaker C:Oh, God.
Speaker C:Are we getting into skinwalker lore now?
Speaker B:Dude, you just gave me an idea for a NPC in a.
Speaker B:In a one shot.
Speaker C:Just.
Speaker B:Have you seen.
Speaker B:There's a thing in Adventure Time, Like, I don't remember what it is.
Speaker B:Like, a deer, and then it stands up and it's like, his little hooves off, and it has, like, little.
Speaker E:It takes his hooves off and wiggles his fingers.
Speaker B:Yeah, I'm gonna do that.
Speaker B:I'm gonna give, like, the.
Speaker B:I'm gonna give you guys an npc.
Speaker B:I'm like, yeah, it's just a deer for.
Speaker B:Are you a ranger?
Speaker B:Everybody every.
Speaker B:Nobody knows a ranger needs a deer.
Speaker B:And then just like, when you have to take a long rest, do you just wake up to the deer standing over you and starts dragging you out of your tent?
Speaker C:Oh, God.
Speaker C:That reminds me of a post I saw on Instagram, and it was a picture of a reverse centaur.
Speaker C:Oh.
Speaker C:Oh.
Speaker B:I'm gonna need you to explain this to me.
Speaker B:You gotta break this down.
Speaker E:A reverse head.
Speaker C:It had the entire upper body was a horse with a horse head.
Speaker C:And use your imagination here.
Speaker C:From the waist down, it was a human.
Speaker E:Did it have pants?
Speaker C:No.
Speaker E:Oh.
Speaker C:And in this case, it.
Speaker C:Yeah.
Speaker B:Was it anatomical?
Speaker C:It looked at me first.
Speaker B:If it's not wearing pants, we need to know.
Speaker B:We need to know.
Speaker C:Wait, but what.
Speaker E:Sketch it out.
Speaker C:It looked at me.
Speaker B:He's the etching sketch we just said.
Speaker B:What do you mean it looked at you?
Speaker C:The surf, the basilisk looked at me first.
Speaker B:Oh, no.
Speaker B:Here you go.
Speaker E:It was a yuan T. It's a.
Speaker B:It's part chimera.
Speaker B:That's not a snakehead.
Speaker C:That's all I'll say.
Speaker B:That's the equivalent of.
Speaker B:Have you seen that picture?
Speaker B:It's called, like, the.
Speaker B:The hands belie him or something like that.
Speaker B:It's supposed to be, like, a cursed Painting that.
Speaker B:It's like a little.
Speaker B:It's supposed to be like a little kid and, like, a bunch of hands behind it.
Speaker B:And it's supposed to be like a cursed painting that I think, like the first.
Speaker E:Oh, the house is burned down.
Speaker B:Yeah, the house is burned down.
Speaker B:And then, like, a bunch of tragedies.
Speaker B:That picture just described is the equivalent of that.
Speaker B:I don't ever want to come across.
Speaker C:Oh, God.
Speaker E:Well, now I gotta return your Christmas gift.
Speaker B:So you look at.
Speaker B:He just gets sleep paralysis.
Speaker C:Listen, I know you're calling it a Christmas gift, but we all know it's a Valentine's gift.
Speaker E:Hey, hey.
Speaker E:True.
Speaker B:I thought it was for Cinco de Mayo.
Speaker B:Because I'm gonna have to be pretty hammered to be able to accept that as a gift.
Speaker B:If you give me that, I'm gonna re.
Speaker B:Gift it.
Speaker E:Almost instantly, the hammer comes after, sweetheart.
Speaker D:Well, that's.
Speaker B:You send it to me.
Speaker B:I'm gonna have to send it to our Oklahoma.
Speaker B:Over here.
Speaker E:Oklahoma.
Speaker B:Listen.
Speaker B:Eating.
Speaker C:I'm about to kick you in the forehead somehow through the screen.
Speaker B:It's okay.
Speaker D:He's short enough.
Speaker D:You can reach.
Speaker E:Hey, I'm, like, six.
Speaker E:One ate a dick.
Speaker C:Yeah, I'm five.
Speaker C:Five.
Speaker E:You know what?
Speaker E:I'll get you a booster.
Speaker B:We got a couple yellow pages somewhere.
Speaker E:You came here to be bullied.
Speaker B:So this is what you wanted.
Speaker B:You signed up for this.
Speaker B: ladder thing from, like, the: Speaker B:The little giant.
Speaker B:We're gonna get you a little giant.
Speaker C:Oh, my God.
Speaker C:Gonna get me a squatty potty.
Speaker D:Nick had two of those.
Speaker B:Potty or little giant?
Speaker B:Because we have issues if he has two squatty bodies.
Speaker D:No, little giant.
Speaker D:The squatty potties were in China, man.
Speaker D:They can stay there.
Speaker B:All right, I'm gonna buy you a bedazzled squatty potty.
Speaker D:I'm gonna murder you.
Speaker C:You have to put, like, the.
Speaker C:What's the.
Speaker C:What's the brand of, like, all the children's toys?
Speaker E:Fisher's brace.
Speaker C:Yeah, you got to do, like, a Fisher Price speaker on the side that plays, like, the wheels on music.
Speaker C:Yeah, you gotta play, like, tunes like
Speaker B:that,
Speaker C:and then you gotta sing along while you're taking a shit.
Speaker B:We're gonna do that, but it has to be, like, trap versions of, like, public domain songs.
Speaker C:No, it has to be, like, the Fisher Price, the DJ thing.
Speaker C:Have you guys seen videos of the Fisher Price dj?
Speaker C:Like, the baby's playing with that, and it's, like, blasting rave music at top volume.
Speaker B:Oh, little Timmy Likes to party
Speaker C:and it's insane and then it's so funny
Speaker B:Little Timmy trap Lord My first rave My first ecstasy trip Baby's first bass drop.
Speaker B:All right, so before we move on, I'm gonna ask you a question.
Speaker B:I'm pretty sure I asked you the last time you were on the show.
Speaker B:Say you're gonna be playing, like, live at, like, Comic Con Main Stage.
Speaker B:You need a walkout song.
Speaker B:What's your walkout song?
Speaker C:Ooh, I don't remember what I said last time, which is probably good.
Speaker B:I'm pretty sure you said Kicking Indoors by Biggie.
Speaker C:Sure, sure.
Speaker E:Raining Blood by Slayer.
Speaker D:I thought it was Purple Rain.
Speaker B:Majestic.
Speaker C:Let the artists think pure cocaine.
Speaker C:Oh, yes.
Speaker C:Actually, I want to say.
Speaker C:I want to play the 80s remix of the Dark World theme from a Link to the Past.
Speaker B:Hell, yeah.
Speaker B:Okay.
Speaker B:I say you just come out, like, you start playing just all renditions of the Legend of Zelda just on ocarina.
Speaker B:When you're done.
Speaker C:Yeah.
Speaker B:Smash it on the ground.
Speaker C:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker B:I'm pretty sure you can't.
Speaker B:It won't light on fire, so you can't be the Jimi Hendrix of the Legend of Zelda.
Speaker C:No, I just put it in my coin purse and keep going, my man.
Speaker B:Just toss it to the crowd while somebody's not looking.
Speaker B:That's a lawsuit.
Speaker B:Like, party.
Speaker C:Are you talking about launching it from the.
Speaker C:The coin part?
Speaker C:The prison purse?
Speaker B:No.
Speaker B:What the.
Speaker C:Wait.
Speaker B:Pot launched that shit into the crowd.
Speaker C:An ocarina.
Speaker B:I just throw it.
Speaker C:You.
Speaker B:You partied a little too hard here.
Speaker C:Listen, this inspiration was not my fault.
Speaker C:We were talking about launching Dante.
Speaker C:Hey, I mean.
Speaker C:Sorry.
Speaker C:I mean, Zeman Zaddy.
Speaker B:Hey, like, we were talking about this.
Speaker B:Like, this ain't a Wii.
Speaker B:I showed up late.
Speaker B:I have no association with this.
Speaker B:We.
Speaker C:We.
Speaker B:This is the royal we.
Speaker B:I was not there for this.
Speaker E:French now, like, what's going on?
Speaker D:All by association.
Speaker C:No, but we are.
Speaker C:Ruh, duh, duh.
Speaker B:All right, you guys, cj, Dante.
Speaker B:What about you?
Speaker B:Do you guys have a new walkout song?
Speaker B:If you.
Speaker B:Same situation.
Speaker B:What's your guys's walkout song?
Speaker E:Aaron Carter.
Speaker E:How I Beat Shaq.
Speaker D:Okay, that does not sound like a real song.
Speaker E:Oh, my God.
Speaker E:Did you.
Speaker E: re you not alive in the early: Speaker B:Anything off the Shaq Fu Weld?
Speaker D:Yeah, but back then, my guy, I was listening to more CDs than anything on my Walkman.
Speaker E:Will Smith getting jiggy with it.
Speaker B:All right.
Speaker B:That's a pretty good one, too.
Speaker B:I'll give you that.
Speaker B:What about you, cj?
Speaker D:I'm gonna go with an old favorite.
Speaker D:And being I'm gonna be seeing him live soon, I'll go Lamb of God.
Speaker D:Walk with me in hell.
Speaker B:I know.
Speaker B:You're always so serious.
Speaker B:Like Lamb of God.
Speaker B:Lorna Shore.
Speaker E:I feel like Omerta would be a sick ass walkout.
Speaker C:Can I change my answer?
Speaker B:Yeah,
Speaker C:I just thought of one.
Speaker C:Staying Alive by the Bee Gees.
Speaker E:Oh, yeah.
Speaker C:Because I don't want to die and I'm a wizard.
Speaker B:That's solid.
Speaker D:You're a wizard, Harry.
Speaker B:I finally came up with a new one besides Blue Travel Blues.
Speaker B:Travelers.
Speaker B:Oh, so there's I'm pretty.
Speaker B:I don't know if you guys heard him.
Speaker B:Probably CJ hasn't heard of him.
Speaker B:That baby.
Speaker B:No money.
Speaker B:He has a song.
Speaker B:He has a song called Gigolo where the intro, it's sung by fucking.
Speaker B:What's that?
Speaker B:It's like a AI robot.
Speaker B:That's the one.
Speaker B:The blue hair.
Speaker B:The long blue hair and the tie.
Speaker B:Something hot.
Speaker B:Something something.
Speaker B:Miku.
Speaker B:Hatsune.
Speaker B:Miku.
Speaker B:That's who it is.
Speaker B:It's.
Speaker B:It's a trip.
Speaker D:Oh, I was gonna say hot sauce.
Speaker D:Amigos.
Speaker B:Yes.
Speaker B:I love it.
Speaker B:We have to start a group, and that's gonna be our group name.
Speaker E:Oh, God, I like it.
Speaker E:Actually.
Speaker C:Do we.
Speaker C:Eat up.
Speaker C:Velvet Taco.
Speaker C:Velvet Taco.
Speaker C:Don't sue me.
Speaker D:We are on top of the Velvet Taco.
Speaker B:I'm gonna go with.
Speaker E:Sponsored by.
Speaker B:I'm gonna go with that Gigolo song.
Speaker B:I can't relate to it at all.
Speaker B:I have a very steady life.
Speaker B:But that song's a bop and a half because it has by far the greatest turn of phrase ever.
Speaker B:Like, Lil Wayne's great at that shit.
Speaker B:Like, turning a phrase and just like.
Speaker B:Oh, this.
Speaker B:This is why they call me this.
Speaker B:I.
Speaker B:That song has the greatest turn of phrase.
Speaker B:It's.
Speaker E:I call her Dwayne.
Speaker E:How she rocking on my johnson?
Speaker B:Exactly.
Speaker B:I call her I call my shorty Dwayne.
Speaker B:The way she rocking on my johnson.
Speaker B:Oh, no.
Speaker E:Safe word.
Speaker E:She ain't giving me no option.
Speaker B:Exactly, bro.
Speaker B:This is.
Speaker B:This is.
Speaker B:I'll show you guys.
Speaker B:I'll song after we're done recording.
Speaker D:How long have you had the lyrics pulled up?
Speaker B:Lyrics pulled up by heart.
Speaker E:That was off the dome.
Speaker D:Yeah, but also, I listen to Lil Wayne, but I haven't heard that one
Speaker E:in the green light district.
Speaker E:I'm a young male mistress.
Speaker B:Exactly, bro.
Speaker E:I love it.
Speaker B:It's a bop and a half.
Speaker D:The.
Speaker D:Does that even mean.
Speaker B:Don't worry about it, sweetheart.
Speaker B:All right, so we're gonna go ahead and move on to the next.
Speaker D:If you have to ask, you can't afford it.
Speaker B:All right, we're gonna move on to the next segment.
Speaker B:Kelly, do you have your D4 on you?
Speaker C:Yep.
Speaker B:All right, so we're gonna go ahead and have you roll it, see what game you're playing.
Speaker B:Wait, hold on.
Speaker B:We're being.
Speaker B:We have a news update from our producer,
Speaker D:Dante.
Speaker D:What the are you doing at a gym?
Speaker D:Did you finally take my advice so we don't have to save your ass so fucking often?
Speaker E:No, no.
Speaker E:A werewolf got banned from the city gym after transforming mid deadlift.
Speaker E:Barbell snapped, three mirrors shattered, and someone even howled back.
Speaker B:Why was he lifting during a full moon?
Speaker E:He says it's part of his primal bulk phase.
Speaker E:Whatever the that means.
Speaker E:He claims the gains are better when your shit explodes.
Speaker B:Yeah, I don't think that's how that works.
Speaker B:So what's the ban for anyways?
Speaker E:Property damage, excessive shedding.
Speaker E:Plus he kept trying to spot people by sniffing them.
Speaker D:That does feel a bit intrusive.
Speaker E:Yeah, the gym says you can't be breathing down someone's neck and telling them they smell strong or whatever and, you know, biting the bench press.
Speaker E:Unless you're into that, which, full disclosure, I have absolutely done worse here.
Speaker B:Anyways, back to our regularly scheduled program.
Speaker B:What did you end up rolling?
Speaker C:Oh, God, I can't see.
Speaker B:4, 4, 4 is gonna get you dungeons and decisions.
Speaker D:The D D. Multiple Green eggs and ham.
Speaker B:Green eggs and ham.
Speaker B:All right, so for our new listeners, this is the part of the show where we have our guests play a head to head game against our hosts.
Speaker B:And if by the end of the season, CJ has more wins than losses, I have to take him out to dinner.
Speaker B:But if he has more loss than the wins, he owes me dinner.
Speaker B:Season two, he ended up beating me, so he got sashimi.
Speaker B:But looking at the scoreboard now, it's looking like he's gonna owe me a nice romantic dinner.
Speaker B:C.J.
Speaker B:sitting at four wins and seven losses.
Speaker D:All right, you shit your mouth.
Speaker B:I'm fucking excited.
Speaker B:You're gonna owe me that sashimi, buddy.
Speaker B:All right, so the way this works is I'm going to read you guys a question and then I'm gonna give you guys the multiple choice answers.
Speaker B:You guys have to go ahead and hit the little hand at the bottom of the screen to open up the queue.
Speaker B:Everybody try that out for me.
Speaker B:How did you do that?
Speaker B:You just hit the little hand.
Speaker B:Oh, crap.
Speaker B:That's a lot.
Speaker B:This is a lot harder because I'M on mobile right now, so it doesn't do the queue thing, so it just lines up my screen.
Speaker B:Please, no more.
Speaker B:All right, so I was originally, I had the test done, and then I had a backup test just in case, like, we went to overtime.
Speaker B:But since you guys bullied the crap out of me at the start of this episode, I'm gonna go ahead and do the harder test for you guys.
Speaker B:I want to watch you struggle.
Speaker B:Are you guys ready again?
Speaker D:Oh, no.
Speaker E:My father.
Speaker B:Maybe.
Speaker B:We don't know.
Speaker D:I thought you didn't know him.
Speaker E:That's why I was asking.
Speaker B:You're not my dad.
Speaker B:Yes, I am your daddy.
Speaker B:All right.
Speaker D:This test proves it.
Speaker D:I printed it myself.
Speaker B:Call me grand Dante.
Speaker B:All right, you guys ready?
Speaker C:No.
Speaker D:Commandante.
Speaker B:I like that.
Speaker E:My granddaddy.
Speaker B:Oh, I don't like this anymore.
Speaker B:Please, if you guys are listening,
Speaker C:It's too late for you, sonny boy.
Speaker D:I don't like that.
Speaker B:I don't like the Southern accent on that.
Speaker C:Nope, you got me speaking my native tongue.
Speaker C:Sonny boy.
Speaker D:Sun ain't gonna shine for you.
Speaker B:I need an adult.
Speaker B:Please.
Speaker B:Someone said help.
Speaker D:Oh, you gonna need more than that where you're going.
Speaker B:Are you guys ready?
Speaker D:Yeah.
Speaker B:All right, So a level 17 wizard has simulacrum active.
Speaker B:Then the true cast.
Speaker B:Sorry.
Speaker B:Then they cast true Polymorph on the simulacrum to turn into an adult gold dragon.
Speaker B:After the spell becomes permanent.
Speaker B:Concentration, health for one hour.
Speaker B:What happens to the simulacrum?
Speaker B:Inability to regain spell slots.
Speaker B:A, the dragon can now regain resources like legendary resistance, but still cannot regain spell slots.
Speaker B:B, the creature is now an adult gold dragon and follows all those rules, meaning the simulacrum limitations are suppressed.
Speaker B:C, the spells true Polymorph fails because the simulacrum is a construct.
Speaker B:Or D, the simulacrum immediately melts into snow.
Speaker B:Dante the dragon cannot regain resources like legendary resistance, but still cannot regain spell slots.
Speaker B:Wrong.
Speaker B:Yep.
Speaker C:Callie, I'm gonna go with see the
Speaker B:spell True Polymorphous because simulacrum is a construct.
Speaker B:That's incorrect.
Speaker B:Dante.
Speaker B:I. Dante, wait.
Speaker B:I think.
Speaker B:No, me.
Speaker B:I'm telling you.
Speaker B:Who has their hand raised?
Speaker B:C.J.
Speaker B:sorry.
Speaker B:Go ahead.
Speaker B:C.J.
Speaker D:oh, yes.
Speaker D:So question Herzla is which one again?
Speaker D:I want to make sure I don't answer with the same one.
Speaker E:She said C. I said A.
Speaker D:And C was because the simulacrum is a construct.
Speaker E:Because they're a construct.
Speaker D:Yeah, Yeah.
Speaker D:I. I'm going with B, even though part of me.
Speaker B:Your choices are B, the creature Is now an adult gold dragon and follows all those rules, meaning the simulacrum limitations are suppressed.
Speaker B:Or D, the simulacrum immediately melts into snow.
Speaker B:That is correct.
Speaker D:Yeah, I'm going with B. Oh, man.
Speaker B:It's hard enough that you guys are very disappointed in this game.
Speaker B:All right, so, C.J.
Speaker B:that is a point for you, bud.
Speaker B:All right, number two.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:A rogue is hidden from a guard, an alley, an ally.
Speaker B:An alley, an ally.
Speaker B:Cast BLESS on the rogue.
Speaker B:Does the act of receiving a beneficial spell from an ally automatically reveal the rogue's position?
Speaker B:A, yes, because BLESS has visual effects that give away the location.
Speaker B:B, no, Receiving a spell does not break stealth unless the spell's description or the rogue's own actions say so.
Speaker B:C, yes, because the rogue is no longer unseen by the magic.
Speaker B:Or D, only if the rogue rolls a one on their next stealth check.
Speaker B:Kaylee, I think you had your hand first.
Speaker B:B, no.
Speaker B:Receiving spells does not break stealth unless the spell's description or the rogue's own action say so.
Speaker B:That is correct.
Speaker C:Yes.
Speaker B:I don't think you have, C.J.
Speaker B:if I'm being honest.
Speaker C:You bet, sonny boy.
Speaker B:All right, so.
Speaker D:Oh, I did.
Speaker B:I don't think you have.
Speaker D:Remember, I've played a rogue, if I'm being honest.
Speaker B:Oh, dear.
Speaker B:Oh, forget about it.
Speaker B:No, you will not.
Speaker D:I'm gonna come at you like a spider monkey.
Speaker E:No.
Speaker C:All right, hold on to that.
Speaker C:Spider monkey.
Speaker B:Okay, if a creature is both prone and restrained what is the total penalty for a melee attack made against them from five feet away?
Speaker B:A, the attack has advantage.
Speaker B:B, the attack has disadvantage.
Speaker B:See, the attack rolls normally, they cancel out.
Speaker B:Or D, the attack has double advantage, rolls three dice.
Speaker B:Dante, you said D, right?
Speaker B:The attack has double advantage.
Speaker B:Incorrect.
Speaker B:Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker E:No, no, no.
Speaker B:You said.
Speaker B:Okay.
Speaker B:You said D, right?
Speaker B:Okay, then, yeah, you're wrong.
Speaker B:Don't argue with me.
Speaker D:Yeah, hold on.
Speaker D:Oh, wait, wait, wait.
Speaker C:Oh, no.
Speaker B:You gotta do it.
Speaker B:All right, Kaylee, what do you say?
Speaker D:I forgot to raise my hand.
Speaker D:Damn it.
Speaker C:It has advantage because advantage can't stack.
Speaker B:That is correct.
Speaker B:That is not what you said.
Speaker B:You said it has double advantage.
Speaker B:Advantage does not stack, sir.
Speaker E:Oh, that's right.
Speaker D:Gets disadvantage.
Speaker B:All right, so we're gonna write this way.
Speaker B:If Haley, you can get the next point on this one, we're just gonna end the game there.
Speaker B:All right, so a paladin used.
Speaker B:I don't know why I said a paladin.
Speaker B:A paladin uses divine smite on a critical hit against an undead creature using a fourth level spell slot.
Speaker B:How many D8s are rolled for the smite's damage alone?
Speaker B:English Excluding weapon damage?
Speaker B:A10, D8, B12, D8, C11 D8 or D8?
Speaker B:D8.
Speaker B:I think CJ had that one first.
Speaker B:Ah, you son of a hand thing.
Speaker B:Multiple times.
Speaker B:You keep forgetting Dante.
Speaker B:Go ahead, bud.
Speaker B:Okay.
Speaker B:You said.
Speaker E:Dude, is it 8?
Speaker B:That is incorrect.
Speaker B:Kaylin.
Speaker B:Yeah, 12D8.
Speaker B:Yeah, that is correct.
Speaker C:12D8.
Speaker B:And we're gonna slide in before the DM notice.
Speaker E:Let me roll, damn it.
Speaker B:I don't play by your games, Darren.
Speaker B:I do my own thing.
Speaker B:I don't know who Darren is.
Speaker B:I'm sorry.
Speaker B:If there's a DM out there named Darren listening, I hope there isn't very strongly worded email in this thing comes out like you guys.
Speaker C:All right, well, if you had three listening, you don't anymore.
Speaker B:Oh, we lost all our Darren's.
Speaker E:Oh, all right, so we're gonna go
Speaker B:ahead and end the game there because I feel like adding actual math might confuse you guys towards the end.
Speaker D:Exactly what is math, baby?
Speaker B:Don't hurt.
Speaker C:I'm a communications major.
Speaker C:This is.
Speaker C:Okay, so we don't do math here.
Speaker B:All right, cj.
Speaker B:So that's gonna eight losses now, Darren.
Speaker B:Yeah, they're picking out restaurants I want to go to, and I want a fancy candlelit dinner, too, so you better dress up.
Speaker B:T shirt.
Speaker B:You better wear it.
Speaker D:I don't ever dress up.
Speaker D:Yeah, no, I don't want to die.
Speaker E:Tuxedo, T shirt.
Speaker C:He's gonna buy you a can of Chef Boyardee Ravioli
Speaker D:down under.
Speaker B:Okay, we're gonna move on to the next segment.
Speaker B:It's one rule to rule them all.
Speaker B:It's basically when you tell us when a nat20 has saved the day, and then that one has completely over everything you're trying to do.
Speaker D:Or vice versa, depending on whether, you know, you're running the show or not.
Speaker C:Oh, wait, me?
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:That was you.
Speaker C:I thought we were like, I don't know.
Speaker C:It got really quiet.
Speaker C:I was like, wait, I've been asked something directly.
Speaker C:Okay, this is not an instance where I rolled a NAT one, but does it have to be me specifically rolling the NAT one?
Speaker B:You could just do a part of it or watch.
Speaker C:Okay, right now, I just rolled a NAT one.
Speaker C:Anyway, during my current campaign, we can
Speaker B:count that as your NAT1, please.
Speaker C:So on the road, we met with a mage who we suspect is extremely powerful and we don't want to fuck with.
Speaker C:But our Oathbreaker Paladin decided that he Was going to try to murder him.
Speaker C:Did we see a theme here?
Speaker C:Because he wouldn't give me a book.
Speaker B:That's slander and.
Speaker C:Huh?
Speaker B:I said that's slander.
Speaker C:Listen, the Paladin's been nice Barbarian tried to grapple him and rolled a one on the.
Speaker C:I think it was for grapple.
Speaker C:Is it an athletics check?
Speaker D:Yeah, I think typically they'll do like, some DMs do strength, some do athletics.
Speaker C:I think.
Speaker C:Yeah, it was either strength or athletics.
Speaker C:But he rolled a one and didn't end up being able to grapple him.
Speaker C:Luckily, he had a change of heart at the last second and didn't murder him.
Speaker C:But he did remember that he was murdered in attempt.
Speaker C:So that's probably gonna bite us in the ass later.
Speaker D:Oh, for sure.
Speaker C:So that's great because we love consequences to our actions.
Speaker B:Right?
Speaker C:A NAT20 was when, once again, the oathbreaker Paladin after he murdered the shop owner, the paint shop owner.
Speaker E:I love this guy.
Speaker C:I'm stressed.
Speaker C:He burned down the paint shop, and then I ended up being able to put out the fire and make it look like we saved them.
Speaker C:I was able to roll my way into creating the scene of innocence.
Speaker C:So I saved our asses kind of because we would have ended up with our heads in the bag of holding.
Speaker B:I can imagine you just roll a D20 on that and be like, oh, yeah, this definitely looks like an electrical fire.
Speaker B:Everybody's like a.
Speaker B:What?
Speaker B:What is electricity?
Speaker C:Electricity.
Speaker C:It was a storm giant.
Speaker B:Yeah, you guys had one too many things plugged in at the same time.
Speaker B:You know what?
Speaker D:We'll let the special magics trip the
Speaker B:circuit breaker too many times.
Speaker D:You can't have three toasters, four microwaves, a toaster oven, two air fryers, a deep fryer, and a stovetop kettle.
Speaker C:Sorry.
Speaker C:I plugged in my curling iron.
Speaker E:I just.
Speaker E:I really like pop Tarts and I wanted to see how many ways I could cook.
Speaker C:Then listen, Pop Tarts are fire.
Speaker D:What's your favorite Pop Tart?
Speaker B:What's your go to Pop Tart?
Speaker C:Oh, growing up, my favorite was.
Speaker E:Answer will determine how we treat you for the rest of the episode.
Speaker C:I'm already being bullied.
Speaker C:Okay.
Speaker C:Growing up, my favorite was.
Speaker C:Well, it's still my favorite.
Speaker C:Blueberry.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker D:Okay.
Speaker D:Okay.
Speaker C:I used to love.
Speaker C:They stopped making them.
Speaker C:There were some, like, Scooby Doo pop Tarts that had, like, green frosting and then, like, orange and purple dog bone sprinkles.
Speaker C:Those were my favorite.
Speaker C:I remember I sobbed as a kid when they stopped making those.
Speaker B:You gotta Space out your sentences there.
Speaker B:You said blueberry.
Speaker B:And then you said they stopped making them.
Speaker B:I was like, what?
Speaker B:Oh, I almost fucking started crying.
Speaker C:Oh, no, I did cry over the Scooby Doo ones.
Speaker C:I grieved.
Speaker B:I know.
Speaker B:If anybody said.
Speaker B:If you would have said, like, brown sugar, I would have just hung up right now.
Speaker B:Like, that's the end of it.
Speaker B:You don't even.
Speaker B:Oh, yeah, don't even get an outro.
Speaker E:Those.
Speaker E:Those are fire.
Speaker B:Those are.
Speaker C:I love the brown sugar.
Speaker B:I hate them.
Speaker C:I like them.
Speaker C:I tried for the first time when I was at an airport.
Speaker E:Oh,
Speaker B:you know what?
Speaker B:That's exactly how it feels recording with Dante sometimes.
Speaker B:That was just a bad pun.
Speaker B:You know, you're in timeout right now, Dante.
Speaker B:Go sit in the corner.
Speaker E:Yes.
Speaker C:Go think about what you've done.
Speaker C:And next time it's a spanking.
Speaker B:Yes, daddy.
Speaker B:Remember that it's gonna jingle from all the change.
Speaker C:Who need get the bail.
Speaker D:My favorite.
Speaker C:Bend over, grab your ankles and go grab.
Speaker B:Go grab my studded emo belt.
Speaker B:We gotta teach him a lesson.
Speaker D:Did anyone else like the cherry pop tarts?
Speaker C:Oh, I like the cherry pop tarts.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker D:I like cherry.
Speaker D:And the brown.
Speaker D:The bsc Brown sugar cinnamon pop tarts were my favorite.
Speaker C:I liked the strawberry, too.
Speaker E:I feel like strawberry is a little bit overhyped, honestly.
Speaker D:What about the wild licious.
Speaker E:The wild berry with the swirls?
Speaker B:Yeah, Wildlicious.
Speaker C:It's okay.
Speaker C:I kind of like the wild berry.
Speaker D:That and the s'.
Speaker D:Mores.
Speaker C:That one's good, especially in the toaster.
Speaker E:Sage is wildlicious and his berry blast.
Speaker C:Oh, yeah.
Speaker B:I don't want that.
Speaker D:Quit shaking that berry ass.
Speaker B:All right, guys.
Speaker B:Well, that's pretty much all the time we have for this episode.
Speaker B:Very special thank you to Kaylee from Reps and Respawn.
Speaker B:Thank you so much for being on the show.
Speaker B:It was a blast.
Speaker B:We talked about everything but dnd, but it was amazing.
Speaker B:So glad to have you back on for this episode.
Speaker B:Is there anything you want to plug?
Speaker C:Yeah, Reps and respawns.com is where you can buy my handmade resin TTRPG dice and dice earrings.
Speaker C:I'm going to add a bunch more stuff like coasters, necklaces, keychains coming up.
Speaker C:And if you want to follow me on Instagram, YouTube, or TikTok, it's either reps and respawns or Reps and respawns.
Speaker C:Official, and I just post a bunch of powerlifting video game playthroughs.
Speaker C:A lot of dice content, some behind the scenes.
Speaker C:From my DND campaigns.
Speaker C:Mostly just like stupid and irrelevant stuff, but just a hodgepodge of stuff.
Speaker B:Hell yeah.
Speaker B:Go ahead and check her out.
Speaker B:And on our end, if you guys want to see more of the nonsense me, Dante and CJ have, go ahead and check out all of season one and two and part of season three out now.
Speaker B:If you want to see more from me and cj, go ahead and check us out at Coffee and dnd.
Speaker B:We're in the main campaign and we want to say very special thank you to today's sponsors.
Speaker B:If you want you guys beard to look like a million plaque, go ahead and check out Beard Sorcery.
Speaker B:If you want to pick up some of the best minis in the game right now, go ahead and check out Fireball figurine.
Speaker B:And if you ever wonder if Dragon Me was smoky or not, go ahead and check out Mythic Meats.
Speaker B:Cj, take it away.
Speaker D:I just noticed every time you bring up coffee and D and D, it's main campaign.
Speaker D:But isn't that the only campaign?
Speaker B:No, because they can also find us in the mini campaign if they want to go back and listen from the start from when we first joined.
Speaker D:Ah, fair enough.
Speaker D:Past is also present.
Speaker D:Gotcha.
Speaker D:And with that adventures, I think we'll go ahead and rack the weights and call last call for tonight's session.
Speaker D:And with that, a huge, huge thank you to miss Rips and respawns her goddamn self for pulling up a chair, sharing her story, and as always, bringing the high energy chaos to the table.
Speaker C:Thank you for having me, guys.
Speaker C:Oh, God.
Speaker C:You know what?
Speaker C:Never mind.
Speaker C:Not thank you.
Speaker C:I'm taking it back.
Speaker B:What did you do?
Speaker D:Dante, you son of a.
Speaker D:No, but we do greatly appreciate you coming on.
Speaker D:It is always a blast having you, of course.
Speaker C:Likewise.
Speaker D:And make sure you guys go give her a follow any and everywhere you possibly can.
Speaker D:Or just say do both.
Speaker D:But let her know that the fine tavern owners at chat1 are the ones who sent you that way.
Speaker D:And until next time, may your form stay clean, your dice roll kindly, and your gains both in game and in the gym, keep leveling up and ye to the ha.
Speaker A:The battles won, day one and done.
Speaker A:You can break our dice, but you'll never break the bond.
Speaker A:This is more than a game.
Speaker A:This is the one and all.
